"Honey, lets name the baby after the dog"

Tuesday we attended a class that is required by our clinic. It was a class that goes over the does and don'ts of pregnancy and what to expect as far as Dr visits and info on the hospitals. There were about 10 woman there. T and I are the geriatric parents of the bunch! At 33 (me, barely) and 35 and don't think we are THAT old. We are more or less right on target with our family and friends. We are about 2-3 years behind a lot of the people that we know. But looking around that class you'd think we were setting some world record for oldest people ever to procreate. They all looked in their early 20's. The class was odd for me, the nurse kept talking about the baby and when the baby comes etc. These people evidently think that we will be having a baby, it felt weird because I am just now getting used to the idea that this may actually work. I will be 9 weeks tomorrow. I am starting to relax a little. I have my first OB appointment on Tuesday. There will be another ultrasound (YA!!!).

Today I think that I will start exercising again. I used to run on a very regular basis. I enjoyed training for races, the 1/2 marathon distance is my favorite. This girl has no desire to run the full marathon - EVER! My exercise has severely tapered off in the past year. It was a combo of the advice from the fertility acupuncturist who said that running was bad, that the pounding on my feet was very bad for one of the energies (??) . This coupled with the irrational thought that I should take it easy during the 2ww, as not to jar anything loose (ha, ha) led to my running career being put on hold and my thighs expanding. So, we bought an elliptical. I haven't used it since the end of November. My excuses: the IVF cycle, the 2 ww, the early pregnancy, being tired, when I was spotting and the nurses advice to take it easy... Time for me to get off my ass!

As I mentioned before, I had to out myself at work from the very begining ( I am exposed to x-ray) Now everyone talks about me being pregnant, & "when the baby is born" and people from neighboring departments who I see but don't actually work with have heard the news and are congratulating me. It feels weird. Yesterday a woman from another department congratulated me and then asked "were you guys planning this or is it a surprise?" I nearly choked on my own tongue! I said "no, definitely not, not a surprise" ( then felt the need to explain) I proceeded "This has been a long time coming, It cost a lot of money and time and by the marvels of modern medicine it finally happened" I am so guilty of the need to fill people in on the uneasy, unconventional way that I finally got knocked-up.

The most amusing thing to happen to me this week is related to the birth of one of my good friends first baby. Background: This couple had a dog that was a bit on the looney side. So my friend on various occasions would call a dog psychic to communicate with the nutty dog ( this in itself is odd behavior for these people who are usually very practical and level headed) Anyway when she found out she was pregnant she calls the psychic to see how the dog would handle having a baby in the house. According to the psychic the dog wanted nothing to do with a new baby. This won the nutty pup a one way ticket to a doggy rescue farm ( she later got adopted out). Back to the name... My friend calls after the birth. I ask the sex and name of the baby - girl and Lindsy...she then tells me the entire birthing story. I then ask what the middle name is? "Delta"....they named the baby after the crazy mut! Luckily for me at that moment the baby started to cry and she had to go.

Feeling just a tad normal

All is well in the womb (8w2d). I had ultrasound #3. It showed that we have one baby that is doing everything that it should. The second baby is gone, there is still a small sac, but no heartbeat. I must admit that I am a tiny bit sad that the second baby did not stay. I admit that the idea of twins was exciting. The prospect of having the 2 babies that we've been dreaming of at once was inviting. The tiny bit of saddness is overshaddowed by the joy over the baby that is thriving. The heartbeat is a strong 170, and it is measuring exactly right. I saw it move and for the first time in this whole process I feel like we may actually have a baby in Sept. I have been released to my regular OB. Today I am very happy.

I am also happy to find out that the nurse practitioner(NP) that I have chosen to see in my normal OB office also works for my RE on the weekend as a sonographer. I am ecstatic about this. After the issues I had with the receptionist making the appointment, I am so happy that my NP will have some understanding of what it took for me to get to this point and most likely not argue with me about the due date.

This is our anniversary week. I say week, because there is still debate as to what date we should actually celebrate. In Colorado you can marry yourselves. You go get a license and the only signatures that you need is the bride and groom- no officiant, no wittnesses. We had our wedding in Ohio ( both our families live back there) so we thought it would be easier to marry here and then travel there for the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. It was small (30 people)- a second wedding for both of us - both of our firsts were big overblown events. We had spectacular food and wonderful wine. This time it was exactly what we wanted. It was the party we wanted, with the people we wanted ( no mystery guests that we didn't know ie. parents friends). To make the perfect wedding complete we honeymooned in Australia for 4 weeks - I loved every minute of it- an amazing trip! So to be quite honest, by the time we are done with Christmas and my birthday we are kinda celebrated out. So there will be no big celebrations, no big gifts...but that is completely OK.

A second look

I am a bad blogger...actually these days I am just plain old boring and don't have much to write about.

Today was the second ultrasound, mainly to check on the status of the second sac. Thank God that it was today, because all day I was flipping out due to the fact that I am spotting. Now I know that they said I would probably spot and not to be concerned if it was brown ( which it is) But I was very concerned. The ultrasound shows one itty bitty baby that is measuring exactly 7w2d with a heartbeat of 150. We got to see and hear the heartbeat...The best sound I have ever heard. And we still have a second sac. It is half the size of the other and now it has a heartbeat - the heartbeat is not fast enough and basically there is little reason to believe that the second baby has any chance of being viable. Most likely it is a "Vanishing twin" that has not vanished. We will go for another ultrasound next Monday.

I am so thankful for the one baby that is thriving.

Last week I made my first OB appointment. She wanted to know the first day of my last period. I explained that I had gone thru IVF and I could tell her the hour that conception took place. She said I needed to make an appointment for the 9th week, so I picked a day

her:"No, we need you to be in the 9th week"

me: "I will be 9 weeks on the 28th"

her: "Not according to the wheel"

me: "fine" and picked an alternative date

her: "once you have an ultrasound we will be able to know how far along you are"

A) What part of "I know the hour of conception" is confusing

B) I don't give a fuck what the wheel says!!

I think that my reaction is a direct result of IF. I have waited a long time and worked damn hard to get pregnant and I don't want some receptionist taking even one day of this pregnancy away from me. I will be going to my first appointment on the 31st. My clinic alternates appointments between the Dr and Nurse Practioner (NP). The NP that I picked was recomended to me because she likes to do ultrasounds during most visits. This is a good thing, because I think I am addicted. I've had one at 6 weeks. 7 weeks, will have one at 8 weeks and at 9 weeks at the OB appointment.

The confirmation of pregnancy by the ultrasounds is definitely reassuring, as I still don't really have any obvious symptoms. My boobs are mildly soar, no nausea - just an occasional uneasy feeling in my stomach, and I am pretty wiped out by the evening. All quite vague.

Really I have not been up to much. Taking it easy. Watched the football games this weekend - football is really not as much fun without the beer. Made a pot of butternut squash soup. It sounded great yesterday and it was, today it doesn't sound so great. That's another thing, I get really hungry and nothing sounds appealing. I did have a talk with my boss today (albeit VERY early) about how much I'll be working after the baby is born. This was brought up by her, like I've said before - for normal people pregnant=baby... Despite me feeling a bit uneasy about the timing of the conversation, she was fine with me cutting back to 2 days a week. One less thing for me to worry about. God knows I can come up with enough other things to stress about.

Happy Birthday to me!

The most wonderful birthday gift ever...one perfectly measuring, strong hearted occupant. We are happy and relieved!

There are two sacs with two yolk sacs. The one is exactly what it should be and the other is small with no detectable heart beat. They said that it is possible that the second might catch up(today is 6w2d), but most likely not and to not be surprised if I start spotting or it may just reabsorb. Just for the record if I start spotting I WILL flip out! With the HCGs as high as they were, I thought there were 2 in there. I have another ultrasound next Monday.

We are thrilled with one doing exactly what it should be.

I thought it would feel more real after I saw the ultrasound. It doesn't. I was hoping I would be less nervous, and I am...a little. I am still realitively symptomless - boobs are soar on and off, a little tired ( nothing too bad) occasionally lightheaded....no nausea - maybe it is hereditary, my mom and sister never had any morning sickness.

I just got the call that my progesterone level is good...everything is going good, I just hope that my own excitement kicks in. I guess that after so many disappointments when something good happens it's hard to get used to the turn of events.

Todays Birthday week gift - beautiful earings.

Bad dreams

Day 2 of Birthday Week (actual birthday Monday the 9th)...A bouquet of Iris, scratch off loto tickets, a DVD, and a magazine subscription. The magazine - Redbook. I am a magazine junkie. I just let my Glamour and Cosmo subscriptions run out...It has become blazingly obvious to me that I am neither glamourous or cosmopolitan. It seems I have moved into the "Redbook", "Self" stage of my life. I can only read so many times about the hottest new sex position and getting that second date!

In the last 2 weeks I have been felt up more than my entire life. The feeler is me, woo hoo! I woke up at 1 am this morning and did the feel...nothing. I flipped out, couldn't sleep, and when I did finally fall aspleep I had scarey, bizarre miscarriage dreams. Boobs are back to being soar, whew! However, this could be caused by me poking them.

It seems that these days I am working for one reason - to pay for my every other day blood draws at $240 a pop...They are trying to lower my doses of progesterone and estrogen, and everytime the dose is changed they test my blood. None of this is covered by insurance. My insurance won't pay for anything out of network that they think that they can provide...so I'm stuck. Of course I am going to do exactly what the RE tells me to, but I must say I did not really plan on $500 + a week after getting pregnant. I am not complaining (well maybe a little) more like whining, it is not fair that on top of the stress caused by IF and the treatments there is the financial aspect of it. This no coverage stuff really sucks...OK, got that off my chest!

Imposter

I hardly know what to do with myself these days. These very, very slow days. They say that I am pregnant - yet I don't fell that way. I feel like an imposter, like I am holding a trial membership to a club that has never let me in before and the trial membership may expire at anytime. I know that it is very early and that at 5w4d that it is perfectly normal not to have a bunch of symptoms - logically I know this. The part of me that feeds my constant paranoia has not gotten the memo. At work ( where everyone knows) I go thru the day trying to avoid any conversation that could lead to pregnancy talk...DEFINITELY not ready for that! To the average person pregnancy = baby...I can't really think that far ahead. I want to, I really do, but I am not there yet.

Today marks the start of my Birthday Week! Yes, week. The first birthday that T and I were together I convinced him that my family celebrated the birthday week - a present a day for a week...he completely believed me and willingly participated, then he talked to my mother- perhaps I should have given her a heads up in order for her to back-up my story. Even though the Birthday week was not a long standing family tradition we continued it. Today I got a pair of Dansko clogs. A very good start! Can't wait for the next 6 days. Maybe a present everyday will make the time go quicker. Maybe?