Good-Bye 2005...I won't miss you

Today I am 5 weeks pregnant. It sounds so odd saying it. Time could not be going any slower...really it couldn't. I think this week has gone slower than any 2ww. Between analyzing every single ping and pang in my body, making sure my boobs still hurt, and the 2 dozen daily panty checks, you would think that time would just be flying...HA!

My ultrasound is on Jan 9th - it can not come fast enough. It is such an odd time, I don't feel pregnant or look pregnant, yet supposedly there is someone growing inside me. I need the ultrasound, I need to see it with my own eyes. My first 2 HCGs were great - high numbers, good doubling time - after those two the Dr was pleased and didn't want anymore...I wanted more, at least one. They said that additional HCGs would not tell us anything "significant", maybe not clinically, but how 'bout my piece of mind? The estradiol and progesterone yesterday were excellent...so far it all looks good, but I am so anxious - it feels so unreal, so fragile, and definitely not permanent.

My job exposes me to a good deal of radiation. So I am not given the luxury of waiting to tell the people I work with. Instead of working in the procedure rooms, I will be in charge for the next 8 months (hopefully!!) So, naturally people want to know why. I wasn't ready for all the hugs and congratulations...as I repeatedly said "it's still very, very early".

Tonight we are going over to some friends house for dinner and maybe...thats a BIG maybe, we will make it until midnight. We usually go to bed around 9, so midnight is a stretch. I pray that 2006 will be a wonderful year. 2005 was long, and emotionally trying. It has left me tired, drained, and changed me forever. I think that the Counting Crows said it best "It's been a long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better the last" I know the whole song does not apply, but that line does. I do have reason to believe that 2006 will be better - at least today I do.