Carson - the end and the begining

Yaaa!!! He is finally here. Carson was born on August 30th at 10:20 am. I was scheduled for a
C-section on Sunday the 3rd but went into labor early in the morning on the 30th. On Tuesday they were estimating his weight at about 9 1/2 lbs (hence the scheduled section) He weighed
9 pounds 11 oz - I can't believe that I grew someone that size.

The birthing experience was flawless. I have no long birth story. I went into labor ( it hurt!) they took me to the OR, gave me a spinal and some additional good drugs and out came a beautiful, big, baby boy! The chances of me giving birth vaginally were very low, so I am very glad that we went with the C-Section, absolutely no disappointment here.

Today Carson is one week old. He is breastfeeding like a champ! He sleeps good ( last night he went 5 1/2 hours then a feed, then 3 1/2 hours) . My recovery has been pretty much nonexistant, it is really strange- I expected it to be much worse. I didn't have much pain at all. I am getting around good, out walking and running errands, my many stairs in the house were not even an issue. My mom is here to help, but there is not much for her to do - I think she is bored.

I can stare at him for hours. I love breastfeeding. It has occurred to me that it is the one thing related to pregnancy that my body can do without medical intervention - I love it!

This is my last post on this blog. Thanks to all for your support. Congratulations to the many new moms on the blogs that I follow and to those still on the journey to motherhood - you are in my prayers. D

Near the end...

36 weeks 4 days - this is me, looking like a barrel and squinting at the sun!

2 words...I suck. I have dropped the ball on this blog and probably wont be picking it up anytime soon. I have directed my energy to a blog that I created for my family and friends to follow the last part of this pregnancy and to be able to keep them connected once Carson is born. I have truely appreciated all the support along the way - reading other blogs and having women who are going thru the same thing read mine, has been very comforting. I read blogs long before I began this one, and it really helped to know that what I was feeling was "normal" and that I wasn't the only one going thru this hell, because as all of you know, it sure feels like it out in the "real" world. This has been a journey, one that I am still on - one that I would not wish on anyone. The journey to motherhood has made me a stronger, more compasionate person, and has changed me forever. I wish all of you still on the journey the outcome that you are praying for.

No changes with the pregnancy. I am still contracting, sometimes a couple times an hour and some hours every 2 minutes! They are rather uncomfortable now, I would go so far to say that sometimes they actually hurt. No change in my cervix, 50 % efaced. Had an ultra sound on Friday. There is a reason that I am huge, he is measuring by US at about 7 1/2 pounds with 4 weeks to go until the due date of Sept 2. I hope they are a little wrong. I want a big healthy boy, but maybe not that big ( she said he could be over 9 pounds if I go till 9/2)

I am still working - but not really loving it. I am big, slow and tired - but wouldn't trade it for anything. I am up at least 4x a night (peeing) and my back is killing me. At 5"1' I am ALL baby in the front. I look like a weeble wabble, I did not turn into one of those "cute little pregnant women", instead a "used to be little, big pregnant woman who isnt feeling so cute"

The house is completely baby move in ready! I have nothing left to nest. I can't wait for him to come out so I can see what he looks like and make sure he is OK.

It seems to be a contract-o-thon

29 weeks 3 days

Yikes! it's been over a month and a half since I have posted. I guess I really suck at this blogging thing. I haven't had much to say. Up until a few weeks ago everything has been going quite smoothly. I started this blog in the throws of my struggle with infertility and now, for the moment, I am an honorary member of the fertile world - and to be honest I am enjoying every minute of it. I read lots of other blogs, and often times when someone gets pregnant that talk about how they can't get past the pain of the struggle with IF and they have a hard time grasping the joys of pregnancy...During my struggle it was awful, I was sad, depressed, extremely frustrated and seriously in a funk - I have not forgotten that. I seem to have the ability to easily put things behind me, take with me what I have learned ( I will forever be a changed person because of IF) and go forward. So my infertility blog has become somewhat of a pregnancy blog, and I haven't had too much to say about that.

So, I am going forward - with LOTS of contractions! It started 3 or 4 weeks ago. I would have several an hour then 6-8 an hour so I would go into the office to get checked. They tell me to call if I have more than 4 an hour. I explained that I would be calling them every hour and going to L&D every night. So they upped my limit to 6-8. I was in the OB office 2x/wk being monitored for 3 weeks and had gotten 2 negatinve Ffn tests ( this did make me feel better). Last week the doc told me I was 50% effaced and I was not to travel to Florida the next day as flying was not in my best interest and that he was "very, very concerned". So I took it easy for 5 days, had my normal amt of contractions and all seemed OK. The plan was to go in for my weekly Ffn and cervix check and call if the contractions changed.

I went to work yesterday and began having contractions that were 3 minutes apart for about 3 hours, at this point I decided to go down to L&D and get checked out. It sounded like it would be an easy process, as the doc at the office said that if I got worse at work ( I work 2 floors above L&D) just to walk down and get checked out. 5 hours and $250 later I was allowed to go home. As they were slapping an arm band on me and admitting me to a room I realized this would not be a quick in and out. They monitored my contractions and agreed "yes I was having them 3 minutes apart", did a Ffn which was negative and checked my cervix twice which looked good -this doc said he didn't think that it was thinning. And then we talked about what to do next. My OB practice doesn't really believe in bedrest, evidently studies have shown that it does not decrease the occurance of preterm delivery - so they told me to take it easy but I needn't commit myself to bed at this point and it is up to me if I want to continue to work ( which I do, I don't want to use all of my leave before he is born). We also talked about drugs, they don't usually use turbudeline and other drugs for a prolonged period to stop preterm labor - he said that they haven't been shown to decrease preterm birth with long term use. He said that what they are good for is short term use - like if I was to go into labor it would buy us the 48 hours we would need to get the steroids on board to help C's lungs. It seems like their philosophy is somewhat against the mainstream, but I am a believer in outcome based medicine(not doing something just because that is the way its always been done) and I have had 2 of the docs tell me that since they changed the way that they deal with preterm contractions 3 years ago they have not seen any increase in preterm birth....thats a mouth full....Today I am at home and they have calmed down significantly.

This contraction thing is frustrating. "To call or not to call" it is never an easy answer. Everytime I go in they reassure me that I've done the right thing, but it I really struggle with it. Everyday that goes by I feel blessed and fortunate that we are one day closer to a safer time to deliver.

Other than the contractions things are good. The nursery is nearly finished, almost everything is bought. I am in a holding pattern on finishing the shopping as I have 2 more showers. They are near the end of July, which right now seems like a long time away - I will be 34 weeks...I hope I make it that long!

I feel like a big hippo! I have gained 23 pounds, I am feeling very large and cumbersome. I have wicked heartburn and sleeping is not so comfy anymore. I was watching Discovery Health today and there was a show about this woman having quads. Her doc has the best quad outcomes in the country...he recomends that his patients gain between 75-100 lbs !! I can't imagine! Apparantly the babies under his care stay in utero an average of 4 weeks longer and come out a good size,but seriously 100 lbs!

I''m nesting - yesterday we got new carpet thru the whole house. Last month we got air, just in time I may add. We have had 15 days over 90 and a few over 100 so far this month... somehow I thought Colorado was supposed to be cool, and then I moved here and figured out it is like living in a desert.

More than half way

21 weeks 2 days...so far so good. I feel great. So far it is a textbook pregnancy. I had a Dr.s appointment this morning and all is good. Measuring good, cervix is "long and tight" and weight gain is 11 pounds. Just this week baby C has become a kicking fool! T was able to feel him kick on Friday - he was so happy! It is a really good feeling to be more than half way thru.

My new bestfriend is the U shaped pregnancy pillow that I sleep with. I LOVE to get into my "nest" at night. I was using a pillow between my legs, so when I turned over I had to move the pillow. The new pillow is wonderful!

I have totally finished cleaning out the nursery. There is actual baby stuff in there. I go in there and sit in the glider and just can't believe that we've made it this far! The crib is still in the box, we haven't felt adventurous enough to put it together. My mom bought us a bassinet. I opened the box with aspirations of putting it together. I saw that it had approximately 60 pieces, quickly put it back in the box and left it for T to do. He put it together Sunday morning.

Easter was nice. We had 5 couples (including us) There was a 5,4,3,2, &1 year old from 3 of the couples and the remaining 2 are pregnant. We had an egg hunt and a pot-luck dinner, it was fun. It was good to be able to enjoy being with our friends and their kids. Prior to concieving it had gotten to the point where we couldn't bare to be around them, we were becoming hermits.

Thursday we leave for a 10 day trip to Ohio. We are driving. It is usually an 18 hour drive when you are not with a pregnant woman who pees every 60 minutes. This could be an interesting trip. All 3 sets of our parents and my closest life long friends all live there. It is convienent on one hand and somewhat stressful on the other (trying to fit in a good visit with everyone). My friends are throwing me a shower on Sunday. A bit early, but this is probably our only trip out there this summer, so it was now or never. It will be interesting to see how much my family can fatten me up in a week!

Annoying things that people keep saying to me:
"Will you do IVF again?"
answer: Can you not see that I am still pregnant with #1? ....(we don't know if we would pursue this again,but why can't people just be happy for the one that we are pregnant with)

"It will probably be easy for you to get prengnant now that you've been pregnant"
answer: NO!!!... (Ok, it is possible that I could get pregnant without IVF, but VERY unlikely. I have a moderately high FSH 10.5, but more importantly I think that the last 4 eggs I had were used during this attempt. My resting follie count was around 7...time is not on my side. When people think that pregnancy is a cure for infertility it makes me want to scream!!!! )

Time is going fast these days. I haven't been able to say that in a very long time.

It's a......

The ultrasound today was great! All of the parts are exactly where they should be, all the measurements are good - actually measuring 7 days ahead (which the perinatologist said was perfectly fine).

Lesson learned today: Don't let your coworkers try to sex your baby when they don't know what they are looking at. For a week we have been thinking that we are having a girl, we have been calling the baby Iris - I hope that we haven't confused him...yes him - definitely a boy baby in there. We are thrilled!

Still here...skin tags and all

I'm still here, just haven't had much to write about. I guess the main thing that I've been up to is being pregnant. And since I can only say so much about that I've been quiet. I religously read everyone elses blogs, but haven't been very good with my own.

Today I am 18w3d.

I look quite pregnant and feel fine. I've developed a fair amount of odd pregnancy symptons. I have no cravings, no aversions, no odd dreams. Instead I get a bloody nose - last week I blead heavily for over an hour. We were thinking of going to the ER, but the very last place I wanted to be on a Sat night was the emergency room, so I took matters into my own hands and packed it by pushing gauze way up there with a q-tip. Not pleasent, but it did the trick. I have hair growing on my belly. I had a skin tag grow right next to my nipple - this was bothersome to me, so I was going to cut off with a scalple but couldn't find one at home - so I was going to cut it off at work the next day. I must have scared it because the next day it fell off . My normally very straight hair is turning curly. I think that I have fully developed the pregnant brain-I was scheduled off last Monday, but went to work...the irony is that I am the one who makes the schedule.

I had a quickie ultrasound at work so we could go on a "penis hunt". We hunted but did not find, so as far as we could tell she's a girl!!! However, I go for my ultrasound with the perinatologist on Thursday. We are not taking the girl news as official until someone who actually know what they are looking at does the ultrasound (at work these people look at hearts not babies).

I've gained 8 pounds since becoming pregnant. T says it looks like a lot more....REALLY!?!? he actually said that out loud? Then yesterday 2 woman from work asked how much I had gained and I told them and they said the same thing " are you sure, looks like more". The 8 pounds is not counting the bonus weight of 8 pounds put on during the 12 months of fertility treatment and the IVF cycle. But really, who says that? Today I was in Motherhood and got stuck in a tank top...thats right, stuck. I finally managed to get out of it without having to ask for assistance - which I did consider. So, maybe everyone has a point, maybe I am looking like a bus. I'm good with that, I'd rather be here and getting fat, than not here.

This is T's birthday week. I went out shopping today to get the 7 presents that I will need. 20 year old port, wallet, map, running socks, running shorts and shirt, and a journal.

I've started scrapbooking. I have 3 pages of the baby book done. I ran out of things to put in it. You can really sink a lot of $$ into this hobby, but I like it....cutting, pasting - I find it relaxing and cool to be able to be creative. As soon as we know the sex of the little monkey I will start knitting a blankie...

Did you stuff a pillow in there?

Today my parents went home after a five day visit. It was good. They are sooo excited about the baby ( this is their 3rd grandbaby). I survived all the baby shopping. Emotionally it felt too early, but logically I knew that I only had this time to do it with my mother, so I went with the logical side of me. My parents bought us the crib and dresser, bassinet, and will get the stroller and glider at a later date. I discovered that stroller shopping was the most stressful thing that I have encountered in a while. I was incapable of making a decision.

My belly is growing. T asked me the other day " Is that the baby or all the girlscout cookies?" I strongly recomended that he never bring up or touch my cookies again!

My mother was a crazed belly rubber this weekend. Today at work, one of the doctors asked if he could touch it - he did, to which he said "nice"...a bit strange. I had a quick ultrasound at work last week. The little monkey is growing, I can't wait to feel something in there. Maybe then it will feel "real". It's getting there, but not quite. I still get nervous. I still need my baby heartbeat check every 2-3 days (as I have no symptoms at all). I got a gift certificate to Motherhood in the mail today from one of my good friends. The rest of world seems to think that there will be a baby so I need to get on board.

Maternity clothes shopping with mom. I always love getting new clothes so I had fun. In the dressing room there is a pillow that you can strap on and it supposedly adds 3 months so you can see if the clothes will still fit. I tried on the first outfit, walked out, and my mom says" Cute! And you have the pillow in and it looks like it will fit in 3 months..." Uhhhh, no mom, that's all me. Very funny moment.

We have 10 days until the third set of parents come for a visit. For some reason they all pick a time in the same 6 week period every year.

15 1/2 weeks and things are good. I'm feel good physically and emotionally...