The call

since there is not too much going on - 3 more BCPs until injectables...I will write about what I would have if I had started writing sooner


At the end of July we had gotten another BFN following a medicated, IUI cycle . I felt like I needed to just get away. My spirit was broken and it needed some fixin'. This was on a Sunday - I looked at the forcast for Mexico, picked the side that wasn't expecting a hurricane, and booked a trip to Cabo leaving that Friday. I hadn't been that excited in a long time.

The trip was great! Nothing but relaxing and having fun with T! A perfect 5 days. On day 3 I assumed my possition on the barstool submerged in water at the pool bar. When I sat down my butt hurt - the kind of hurt like when I've been biking all day. I had not done anything active - NOTHING! So it was obvious that the only thing that could be responsible for my soar butt was sitting on that stool. Yes, I had come down with "Bar Butt" A sign of a very successful vacation!

We came home feeling relaxed, refreshed and ready to jump back into the game. Then the call came. It was my best friend . 6 weeks earlier her husband left her and their 2 year old daughter. I took the split pretty hard - I couldn't believe it...I had been friends with both of them since middle school. When we left for the trip she was doing OK, she had began to accept the idea of going forward as a single mom. Back to "the call"... 2 words is all it took to kill my spirit - "I'm Pregnant" Yep, thats right, they had sex the night before he decided to leave. They certainly weren't trying, they were barely married, and she was pregnant. I couldn't say a thing. I think my response went something like" congratulations, I'll talk to you later".

I cried...T cried...Perhaps a bit dramatic, but the universe was feeling very unfair. I felt like the worst friend in the world. For the first time in 17 years of being friends I had nothing to say. She knew why and during the time when her life was completely up-side-down she was worried about how I was doing. I managed to compose myself and call her 2 days later.

During this "journey" of trying to get pregnant there have been many bad days in varying degrees. They come at anytime during my cycle and sometimes come and go without any warning or reason. I am not the only one in this house that has them. T has bad days too - and to be honest I think that his bad days are harder on me than on him. I look to him to be my rock, to be the strong one, so when he is down I feel like things must really be bad.

I know that this day really wasn't that bad compared to how bad it can get.

My friend is due in March. Her husband eventually moved back in and they are trying to work things out, but things aren't really working out. She says she is almost certain that they will divorce.They will stick it out until the baby is born, as she needs his insurance. She is now looking at going forward as a single mom to two daughters. We talk about our problems a lot. It is weird, although we are going thru two completely different things we are both going thru the same emotions. Being there for her helps me to keep my problems in perspective. It helps me to take the focus off from my problem and realize that my world isn't the only one that is spinning...